Thanks to Stangman for sharing these funny tidbits.

IDIOT  SIGHTING: 
We had to have the garage door repaired. The repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a ‘large’ enough motor on the  opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, ‘Lady, you need a  1/4
horsepower.’ I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, ‘No, it’s  not.’ Four is larger than two..’        

We  haven’t used that repairman since. Read the rest of this entry »

 Those of us who spend much time in a doctor’s office should appreciate this!  Doesn’t it seem more and more that physicians are running their practices like an assembly line?  Here’s what happened to Bubba:

Bubba walked into a doctor’s office and the receptionist asked him what he had.  Bubba said: ‘Shingles.’  So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.

Read the rest of this entry »

Thank goodness there’s a name for this disorder. Somehow I feel better, even though I might have it!! 
Recently, I was tentatively diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. - Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.
This is how it manifests itself:
I decide to water my garden.  A  I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.
As I start toward the garage, I notice mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier. Read the rest of this entry »

Old age, I have decided, is a gift.

I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have always wanted to be.  Oh, not my body!  I sometime despair over my body, the wrinkles, the baggy eyes, and the sagging butt.  And often I am taken aback by that old person that lives in my mirror (who looks like my mother!), but I don’t agonize over those things for long.

I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly.  As I’ve aged, I’ve become more kind to myself, and less critical of myself. I’ve become my own friend. Read the rest of this entry »

Walking can add minutes to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursinghome at $7,000 per month.

My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60. Now he’s 97 years old and we don’t know where he is.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

The only reason I would take up walking is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

I have to walk early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I’m doing. Read the rest of this entry »

Robert Thames

A Review By Robert Thames

I’m gonna go ahead and confess that I saw an Elvis impersonator in concert for the first time last Saturday night. That’s not entirely true. Actually I saw two Elvis impersonators in the same show at the Thrasher-Horne Center for the Arts in Orange Park, FL. (Yes, I’ve officially reached middle age).

The two performers were Scot Bruce and Mike Albert and the evening was billed as “Love Me Tender — From Elvis with Love.” It was a very warm, enjoyable evening that played out like a living tribute to Elvis’s legacy as a soft-hearted gentleman who never took his faithful audiences for granted. 

 The first performer portraying The King was Scot Bruce. This guy looks a lot like Elvis, ladies.  He played the role of the young, freshly famous 1950s Elvis. He had flawlessly-styled jet black hair, a snazzy red blazer and a pair of baggy-waisted, tapered-legged black slacks that were so cool they had to have been stolen from a closet in Graceland. His small but talented back up band resembled the line up of one of Elvis’s many famous performances on the Louisiana Hayride.

 Bruce actually just used a smaller version of Albert’s back up group, The Big E Band. His set list of songs included some of Elvis’s biggest early hits like Love Me Tender, Teddy Bear, Can’t Help Falling in Love and the rockin’ Little Sister  (the lead guitar on that one could have been louder). He sang very well, sounded a lot like Elvis, moved his hips just like The King and enjoyed many genuine moments of affection from the females in the audience. In fact, both performers said several times that the Thrasher-Horne crowd was easily one of the most enthusiastic and excited crowds they had played for.  

It was a sold-out house full of Elvis die-hards, many of whom acted as though they were in Read the rest of this entry »

 Here are some funny sayings and cartoons that Annette sent my way. Enjoy! 

Just click on the gallery button at the top of the page.

Thanks to Greg for submitting this:

“This year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q&A format: 

Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn’t that stimulating the economy of China ?
A. Shut up. Read the rest of this entry »

Remember when?

Thanks to my sister, Linda, for passing this on. She is six years younger than I am, so I wonder if she remembers the time when . . . 

All the girls had ugly gym uniforms?

 It took five minutes for the TV warm up? 

Nearly everyone’s Mom was at home when the kids got home from school? 

Nobody owned a purebred dog? 

When a quarter was a decent allowance?

You’d reach into a muddy gutter for a penny? 

Your Mom wore nylons that came in two pieces? 

Read the rest of this entry »

Thanks to Garland for sharing this:

Men Are Just Happier People–

Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can never be pregnant.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
Read the rest of this entry »