Lamar Thames

I frequently get asked how I am enjoying retirement.

I’m usually taken aback by the question because I don’t consider myself retired.  It is true that I don’t have a job, that I am 65, that I receive a Social Security check every month and that I have not gotten a job interview since I was laid off by the Florida Times-Union in November 2008. Still for the life of me, I can’t come to grips with the idea that I am retired. Let’s just say I’m between jobs.

Of course, I really don’t expect anyone to hire me at this stage of my life, especially considering the state of the economy these days. A lot of people who are younger and more educated than I am are in the same situation in that they can’t find jobs either. That makes my chances of returning to the workforce even more unlikely. Still, I persevere.

I currently have applications in for two positions I feel I would like and am qualified to handle. And there are a couple Read the rest of this entry »

My wife, Barbara, just returned from a week in Reno, Nev., along with two students from Clay County, Fla., and a coworker, Brenda Weeks. They attended the International Science and Engineering Fair.
This was her first trip to the International and that may account for the exuberance she displayed about the trip. Especially when she called me from Reno one morning to exclaim: “They won, Lamar, they won.” Then she broke down in tears.
The “they” in question are Mitchell Stecker and Alex Gandzyura, juniors at Ridgeview High School, who finished third and fourth in their respective divisions at the fair. Note that this is the INTERNATIONAL fair, meaning that they beat out students from all over the world, more than 1,500 I’m told. Quite an accomplishment by two exemplary young men from one small, rural county, and especially from one high school.
I won’t begin to try to explain what their projects were about but if you are interested, you can find out more by clicking here.

Barbara put it best when she said, “Lo0king at these kids, I know that we don’t have to worry about the future of the world.” Read the rest of this entry »

Please help ban fox hunting. This madness must be stopped! 

Signed, Peter Cottontail!

Thanks to Linda for sending these in. Some old, some new but all worth reading.

1. She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the watchful eyes of her young granddaughter, as she’d done many times before.  After she applied her lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, ‘But Gramma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!’ I will  probably never put lipstick on again without thinking about kissing the toilet paper good-bye…

2. My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday.  He asked me how old I was, and I told him, ‘62′. My grandson was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, ‘Did you start at  1?’

3. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings.  As she left the  room, she  heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, ‘Who was THAT?’ Read the rest of this entry »

To Those of You Born  1930 - 1979 and survived the 1930s, '40s, '50s, '60s and 70s!

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant.

They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can and didn’t get tested for diabetes.

Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-base paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, locks on doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had baseball caps not helmets on our heads. Read the rest of this entry »

(Submitted by Annette)

The economy is so bad:

• CEOs are now playing miniature golf.
• Even people who have nothing to do with the Obama administration aren’t paying their taxes.
• Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.
• Obama met with small businesses to discuss the Stimulus Package: GE, Pfizer and Citigroup.
• PETA serves chicken wings at their meetings.
• McDonald’s is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
• People in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children’s names.
• A truckload of Americans got caught sneaking into Mexico.
• The most highly-paid job is now jury duty.
• Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.
• People in Africa are donating money to Americans.
• Mothers in Ethiopia are telling their kids, “Finish your plate, do you know how many kids are starving in the U.S.?”
• Motel Six won’t leave the light on.
• The Mafia has started laying off judges.

Tattoo art we can all understand.

Stephen Wright is one of my favorite comedians. His dead-pan delivery and unique take on every-day situations makes me laugh. I am not sure if he wrote these, but they sound like him. Thanks to Annette for forwarding them to me. Enjoy

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• I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.
• Follow your dreams! Except for that one where you are naked in church.
• Sometimes too much to drink isn’t enough.
• Headline: Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
• My short-term memory is not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my short-term memory is not as sharps as it used to be.
• In just two days from now, tomorrow will be yesterday.
• A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory. Read the rest of this entry »

Lamar Thames

One of the questions I have learned never to ask my wife is, “Do these pants make me look fat?” Especially when I am buying jeans, as I was last weekend.

Jeans are especially difficult for me to buy since I am one of those ‘tweeners, meaning I have an odd-shaped body. One of my former co-workers once told me I had a squatty body. I think he was being kind. A video-tape of me playing golf in an earlier post on this site confirms it.

Basically, my problem is genetics. In other words, not my fault. I was supposed to be in the neighborhood of 6 feet tall. Instead, I am not even in the same zip code, at just above 5-foot-7 and three-quarters inches tall. I blame it, too, on unnatural selection. My father was the tallest of his seven siblings and my mother was the shortest of her seven. Go figure!

When I sit down beside someone who is 6 feet, I sit shoulder-to-shoulder with them. It is when we stand up that you notice the difference. I only get a little taller when I stand while the 6-footers keep on going. My torso is the same length as most of the taller folks; it is my legs that got short-changed, so to speak. Read the rest of this entry »