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Lamar Thames

A friend of mine once said that growing old is not for sissies. She was absolutely right, as I am rapidly finding out; too rapidly it seems.

There is another part of aging that I am not all that fond of either — retirement. It is not exactly what I had in mind when I signed up for it. (Of course, some would say that I really didn’t have a choice in the matter, but that is another story.)

I envisioned retirement to be a leisurely endeavor with lots of golf, travel and enjoyment. I am not going to tell you that there is not a lot of enjoyment because there is, but golf and travel? Uh huh. Just not happening, man.

Oh, I have played an occasional round but it is not the twice-per-week frequency that I had imagined. Finances, of course, play a part of it, but there is a bigger issue — there is just so much darn work to do. You know what I mean?

The first thing I did when I “retired” (aka, when I was no longer given the option of drawing a paycheck) was fire my yard maintenance company. At a cost of more than $100 a month, it was an expense that both my wife and I knew we didn’t need. Especially when I was able to do the work myself. Back in November, it seemed like a slam dunk. I mean, what was there to do? Mow the lawn once a month, and rake a few leaves here and there? But now that spring has sprung and things are actually GROWING, it is a far different deal. Hey, there is something to do in the yard EVERY day. I trimmed the hedges just last week and they already need it again. I am getting tired of it.

OK, “getting tired of it” may be a little strong, honey. I really didn’t mean it that way. I just mean that, whew, there is a lot to do in my yard. Let me count them: 1. Mowing, 2. edging, 3. blowing, 4. pulling weeds, 5. trimming hedges (all eight of them), 6. raking, 7. fertilizing and . . . Well, you can see what I am talking about. And that is just a partial list.

(See a snapshot of my “huge” corner lot.)

I look at two of my neighbors, Don and Jay, and their yards are so pristine. Not a weed in sight and nothing out of place. Then I look at the size of their yards, compared to my, and I think, “Hey, if my yard was that small, I could keep it up, too.”

The bottom line is that my yard is about HUGE, maybe about 3 or 4 acres. I kid you not. (OK, it may not be that big, but it is a large corner lot that takes a minimum of an hour and a half just to mow. Then there is edging, trimming, etc. My grandson says he can mow the yard it in less than that. I am going to try to put him to the test because I don’t think it can be done. I told him if it took him more than that time, he would have to pay me, but if he did it in less than that, he would do it for free. He didn’t fall for the attempted ruse, however. Darn kid. When did he get so smart?

OK, it really isn’t all that bad — yet. The update to all this activity is all this activity. I really do need the exercise and having something to do everyday gives me something to do everyday. I know that is repetitive, but that is a true statement for the newly retired. And maybe the oldly retired, too. We do need to keep an active schedule. You know what they say about idle hands and idle minds.

I do worry if I can survive the dog days of  July and August, though.

 You know, the heat. I have never been one who could work in the heat very much. That’s why I chose an indoor profession. Maybe that will be a good time to take up the grandson on his challenge. It will be worth a few dollars if he can, indeed, do the mowing in less than an hour and a half. I’ll let you know how it goes.

(Lamar Thames is a former newspaper general manger and editor who shares his thoughts on life in general on this web site. Feel free to post comments on his articles or to email him at lthames@mac.com.)